Friday, November 30, 2007

Odd or Random? Yeah, that just about sums me up.

R.E.H. tagged me.
Seven Random or Odd things about yourself...I think that's the topic.
I'm not tagging anyone b/c I like to spoil the fun (I don't continue chain letters either, so yes, I'M the one who stops the letter that has made it around the world 17 times. )

1)Even though I have a weakness for greasy fast food breakfast, I am one of those weirdies who buys organic and whole grain everything.

2)I can recite the following movies word for word: The Labyrinth, Gidget Goes Hawaiian, Grease, Dirty Dancing, and The 'Burbs. There are more, but these are some of the most ridiculous.

3)Food/drink I love around the holidays: Peppermint bark, eggnogg, and my grandmother's stuffing (Slick, please do not turn that into something dirty, she is 73 years old for crying out loud.)

4)In the 3 months that UPS and I have been together, I have gained 15 pounds. Granted, I was too thin to begin with (the last year has been hard on me), but I'm not liking the fact that my pants are getting a little snug.

5)I have been known to have panic attacks in very crowded places. This can be very embarrassing.

6)I have arthritis in every joint in my body. Seriously. I've known about it since I was 18. I have developed a high pain tolerance. I guess that's what got me through childbirth.

7)Today I get to be room mother for X's preschool class.

Ok, so there's that done and overwith. Now you know even more about yours truly.

In other news...
Yesterday was kind of fun. You remember the Girl Crush Thursday Thirteen I did a few weeks ago where I was accused of posting porn? The same lady emailed me again about yesterday's list and told me I was ungrateful. Apparently some people don't think my humor translates well to type. Clearly by the third time I mentioned the lingerie people knew the list was for fun, right? Guess not. I sure wish she'd post her remarks in comments instead of mailing me through my profile. Then you could all have a laugh with me.
There is this crazy lady in town named Miss Margaret. She is a town legend. She walks the streets screaming "Praise Jesus" and frequently breaks into song. If she manages to get you to stop and talk to her you will discover that she was a nurse, and she sang Battle Hymn of the Republic for Ronald Reagan. Stanza for stanza. And then she will begin to sing it to you. Anyway, UPS man delivers to her. She came in to my work yesterday and asked who the girl was that the UPS man was dating. I said it was me. She then goes on and on about how he speaks very highly of me, and I'm a very lucky girl, etc...Then she asks when we're getting married and can she come and la ti da. Then she made it a point to say, "Now, he's not my boyfriend. We've never gone out together, you don't mind that he stops to talk to me do you?"
LOL!!! This woman went out of her way to come check me out, make sure I was good enough for UPS, then she wants to make sure I know she doesn't have designs on my man. She's 81. I told her I was fine with him talking to her, not to worry.
How funny.

And for the record, I was not injured in any way yesterday. No cat incidents, no tripping and falling...but I did get a cold. I can hardly breathe. This just wasn't my week, was it?
Have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Bad Santa

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Thirteen things women don't want for Christmas from their man.

1)Kitchen appliances. Yes, I may have expressed an interest in the do-it-all kitchen thingamajig, but opening one on Christmas morning isn't what I had in mind. Kitchen accessories are awesome. Especially if the name "Kitchen-Aid" is involved. But receiving one from my honey as a gift is a no-no. It says, "Make me dinner, bitch" not "I love you, you beautiful creature and all-around best thing in my life".

2)Beauty products. What? Are you saying I'm ugly? Don't straight up buy the products yourself. Now, a nice gift certificate to Sephora is another thing entirely. It says, "Here baby, spend some of my money, not yours, in your very favoritest place." Well, twist my arm...

3)Clothing. You will inevitably buy the wrong size and make me feel fat. If you buy too small I will feel bad that I can't fit into it. If you buy too big, I will think you imagine me as a whale, hippo, or similar.

4)Socks. Have we reached that point? Really?

5)Sexy lingerie. Is that for me? Honestly? You think I pick out black lace and red stilettos for myself, or to make you happy? If I wear it for you, how is it a gift for me?

6)A bottle of wine. You are just trying to get me drunk so I'll put on that damned lingerie....

7)Chocolate. Are you trying to make me fat so I'll fit into that horrific sweater you bought me? And if you want me in the stupid lingerie, you think I'm going to touch that box of Russell Stover's? You are not operating on all cylinders, boy.

8)Stuffed animals. Am I 8 years old? NO. And an 8 year old wouldn't want a stuffed animal anyway. They are so last decade. Now 8 year olds want electronics and cool shoes. Wait, maybe I am 8 years old...Electronics and shoes are always good.

9)A toolbox and/or the tools to go in one. Why do I need my own? That's why I have you, right? Why do you think I break things on purpose? To get you and your tools over to my place so I can watch your hot ass fix my stuff.

10)Mythbusters: The Complete Series on dvd. Yes, I will sit through it with you w/o complaining. Does that mean I want to hang out with Jamie and Adam on my own? Not really.

11)Anything hunting or fishing related. Yes, I've said that if you really, really want me to, I will take the plunge and go with you into the woods or out on the water. This is a stretch for me, I'm not that outdoorsy. But it doesn't mean I need outfitted with the whole shebang, ok? I said I'd do it once, not turn it into my lifestyle.

12)A surround sound system. I gave my exhusband my old one. Because I didn't want it. I don't need a new one. This is something you want for yourself, so put it in your house, not mine.

What? You mean I actually want a gift after this wordy knock-down? Yes.

Simple jewelry is nice. A book by my favorite author, or plan a weekend trip or something. I don't need anything fancy, just heartfelt...and I guess if the socks are given from the heart, they're ok.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Cat Fight

I'm just going to sweep yesterday into the trash bin and forget about it.
I spent the evening in the Urgent Care clinic with doctors trying to decide whether or not to stitch my lip back together.
Last night during dinner, my cat jumps up on the table. Not happening. I scoop him up with one hand and I'm having an eye-to-eye discussion with him on why he should get his fuzzy ass off my table. Well, I guess he didn't feel secure dangling there and began to flail about. His paws and claws flailed directly to my mouth and sliced my face open. My 'No Swearing In Front of the Kids' rule went out the window as I rushed my bleeding self to the bathroom to survey the damage. I nearly passed out. I don't do so well with the blood and the bleeding.
So after a lovely and drawn out trip to the urgent care, I wound up not with stitches, but butterfly bandages and antibiotic ointment. I kind of looked like Hitler, if he wore the mustache to the side...and if he'd lived long enough for the mustache to turn white. It was very sexy, let me tell you.
So today I look like someone knocked the shit out of me. I can't smile, or laugh, or eat...I can barely drink through a straw.

I will count how many times people ask me "What happened?" I will share the number with you tomorrow, along with my Thursday Thirteen, 13 Gifts Women don't Want to Receive From Their Man.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Pissed, mad, angry, livid and etc...

I plan to rant for a moment, excuse me.
The weekend of 12/15 I am going to St.Louis to see Wicked at the Fox Theatre. I've been looking forward to this for about two months now. ExMIL surprises me the other day by telling me that my Christmas gift from her is my ticket to the show, and that she will keep the kids that entire weekend.
Yesterday she tells me she can't watch the kids b/c that is the weekend she scheduled their auction. (They are selling their business and moving to Oklahoma)
Excuse me? So now what do I do? No sitter means no show. Apparently everyone on the planet decided to be busy that weekend. UPS offered to watch them, but I wouldn't do that to him. It might drive him crazy. His kids are pretty mellow and very self-sufficient. Mine are a little They really like to climb up on things when I'm not looking, and jump off.

In other news, X's fish died this morning. I hear, "Look mommy! My fish learned to swim upside down!" I'm thinking, Shit. Fabulous. Wonderful. Sure enough, Scorpion (the fish) is floating belly-up in the water. I tell X that the fish died, crying began, etc...L is then curiously asking, "Bubby's fish died? My fish didn't, he's swimmin'. Bubby, where is your fishy?"

"In the trash can," X answers.

Good morning and welcome Tuesday. Dead fish and a kink in my Wicked plans.
I really hope I have a more upbeat post tomorrow.
Hey, what do you think of the orange sparkly snowflakes? Too much? I kind of like them, but may go back to the black and white stars...I feel I should go all Holiday on this place though. Decorations make me happy.
Have a great day everyone!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Look what I got!

I'd like to thank the Academy, er, I mean, Claudia, for THIS cool little trinket.
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It's my first award. I'm displaying it with pride.

Today I will pass the torch and award it to all of my ladies over in the sidebar.

M @ As If You Care

Cece @ Lovin', Laughin', Livin'

Craze @ Crazedreamer's Thoughts

Gypsy @ Strange, Dark Gypsy Girl

Guilty @ Guilty Secret

Honorable mention goes to Lightning Bug's Butt. Sure, he's not a girl, but he was really sad about not getting a pretty pink award.

I did leave off Claudia because she gave the award to me, and therefore has one of her own, and Bottle Blonde because Claudia awarded it to her as well. Although I'd have given it to her for sure.

So that's me sharing the love!

Back to the bump and grind

My body clock is massively screwed up thanks to the lovely holiday that is now waving to us through the rear view mirror. I'm glad to see that bastard getting smaller and smaller as I drive away too...I had a terrible weekend.

The trip to Arkansas wasn't too bad, if you discount the fact that I woke up nauseous, and my two year old threw up on me during the drive. May I state again that I was already nauseous before we started the trip? So that didn't help matters any. We had fun with the ex-inlaws though, which was nice. (Ex Husband has had basically nothing to do with his family since we separated, so they've adopted me.)

The boys stayed with their grandparents Thursday night, so I went and stayed with UPS. We had a nice night together and spent Friday morning with his youngest son. I met one of the ex-wives. Not to be catty, but wow. He traded up. I'm just sayin'...

Friday night was probably the worst night ever. I was still not over the sick-to-my-stomach feeling from Thursday morning, and after dinner Friday night, it got worse. We went out for drinks with my friends from Memphis, which was ok...sort of. See, it started out ok, but then her husband started hitting on me...and some skank ass fat bitch started pawing all over my man (they were playing pool)and I nearly kicked her ass. Ok, so really, I just sat there and talked really loudly about how she'd better knock it off or I was going to ....well....I don't know, do something. Probably involving violence. My friend's husband was like, "don't worry, he would definitely be trading down again. If I had to choose any other woman in the room, I'd choose you." At which point my friend hits him with her purse and attempts to storm off to the ladies room.
UPS comes back to the table and I tell him that I didn't appreciate him letting that girl be all up on him, and he was like, "what are you talking about?".
Ha. What was I talking about? Really?
In his defense, he wasn't flirting back. I was just drunk and pissed off.
Then, to make it all better, my friends left w/o paying their part of the tab, b/c UPS had made some comment that made them think he was picking it up. Great. So now I'm left looking like I have assholes for friends. When he was in the bathroom, I went and paid, and then he got MAD at me for paying. "I make 4 times as much money as you, and you have two children to raise..." Well, that just made me mad, so we left.
We got home and were all snuggly on the couch when I started to get a little frisky. He shot me down. Excuse me? No one turns me down, ok?
He actually called me a sex crazed maniac. He said it while laughing, but I'm still a little upset by it.
I woke up Saturday sick as can be. And still feeling emotionally out of control.
Sunday same story.
This morning? Still throwing up. Still irrational.
Please God, do not let me be pregnant.
I really think it's just a stomach virus.

I'm so glad the week has started and things can get back to normal. I'll be really, really glad when the holidays are over and UPS gets back to his old non-stressed out self.
Come on, January 1st!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Scandal, deceit and all-out debauchary


The lady who owns the beauty school next door is having an affair with the rug cleaner! (No, rug cleaner is not a euphemism, that's his actual job.)

When you have this kind of information, what do you do with it? Do you call the wife of the rug man? Or do you just shut your mouth and avert your eyes? When it happened to me, I had a friend tell me about it first. I was grateful. But would rug-wife be grateful, or just pissed? I could do it anonymously.

But really it's none of my business. I feel responsibility though, since I have been-there-gone-through-that.

Sooo...tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
I will be driving to Arkansas with the exInLaws. Trying to think of a way to get them to take the kids and let me stay home...I don't need to eat a turkey. I will be just fine without it.
The good thing about Thanksgiving is that all of my friends will be home for the holiday. And I have the day off on Friday. So even though I'll have my boys, I can have lunch or whatever with my friends. Then Friday night UPS and I are going out with my friend S and her husband who are up from Memphis. Real live social interaction, woohoo!

I hope you all have a great holiday weekend! Eat a lot and don't regret it. It's time to live it up a little boys and girls!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

What did you just call me?

Randomness today folks...

--I hate being called Ma'am. What? Am I 80? I don't think so. It is particularly irritating when the person calling me the dreaded 'm' word is older than me. Clearly much older. Of course it is also irritating when it's some smug little 17 year old. Yeah, you'll think "ma'am" in another few years. Bitch.

--I love fast food breakfast. My favorite things are the breakfast burritos at Sonic (all of them - yum!), biscuits and gravy from McD's, and the Frisco breakfast sandwich and cinnamon raisin biscuits from Hardees.
It's a miracle that I don't weigh 700 pounds.

--I'm super excited to start watching Christmas movies. Jim Carrey's Grinch, Elf, The Santa Clause, A Christmas Story....Of course, I watch Elf all year, so I don't know why I'm excited now. Maybe because they're actually relevant at this time of year?

--Dear Will Ferrell,
When your wife kicks the bucket, I will be right here waiting to pick up the pieces. In the meantime, should the marriage go south before she dies, give me a call. Should Johnny Depp also become available at the same time, and you are ok with sharing me, I'm up for that too.
Love, SK
PS: Seriously.
PPS: I love you.
PPPS: Yes, I am a crazy stalker.

--I don't think anti-aging products are being marketed in the correct way. You see, they should market them to parents of teenagers. There are entirely too many 14 year olds walking around looking like they're older than me. They have bigger boobs and they are wearing a hell of a lot more makeup. So let's slap some anti-aging cream on the little whores and get them looking age appropriate, shall we?
It is shocking how much changed in the relatively short time since I was 14. Shocking and downright frightening, to be honest with you.

Tomorrow I'll probably be posting my Thursday Thirteen, in advance of the holiday. I'll be back in action Friday, with another Confessions post...I just have to think of something to confess. I'm pretty open as it is, lol.

Monday, November 19, 2007

He popped the question.

We were snuggling on the couch, very lovey-dovey like, watching "I now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry", when he asked.

"How many guys have you slept with?"

I countered with, "How many times have you been married?"

He shut up.

Why do people ask this question? No one really wants to know the answer. No one needs to know how big of a slut I may have been in the past...and I don't want to know how many women have been all up on my man.

But I know what you were thinking when you read the subject line...and that topic actually came up too. He's been hinting around for awhile now. Asking me if I wanted to go to Zales when we were in the mall...talking about needing some extra cash in case he made a high dollar Christmas purchase...and then we were watching some home shopping jewelry channel and there was a 1 carat platinum set engagement ring that came up. He said, "Maybe we should buy it, and try to sell it on ebay. If no one bought it we could send it back...or maybe keep it?"
Because I didn't know what to think of this I just said, "Who buys an engagement ring on eBay?" Just call me the Artful Dodger. I can talk my way out of or around just about anything.
He and his oldest son (he's 8) came with me yesterday to my family's Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone loved him, and P (his son) played with my kids and they all had a rip-roaring time. It was a little overwhelming, but nice. I like thinking of having him around all the time, and how our house would be full of children (we have 4 boys between us)...but I'm scared of losing myself again. I just got myself back, so even if he asked, and I said yes, I'd have to wait at least a year. We haven't been together all that long, really...and he's a serial marry-er. But he has had really, really bad luck with women. I'll dish on that sometime...

Ah, well. I'm just not going to think about it.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Confessions part 1

Well, it's Friday. You know what that means....nothing really, except I don't have to come into work tomorrow.

I think it's time for me to 'fess up a little. I'm not as cool as you all think I am. I mean, I know you all think I'm just about the most awesome chick around, and for the most part you're right, but I do have some flaws. Fatal flaws.

I like really awful pop music. I have seen the following people in concert: Nsync (3 times), Backstreet Boys, O-Town and Rick Springfield. When I saw Nsync in Memphis, Puff Daddy (or P Diddy or Oops, a Did He? Or whateverthehell he calls himself now)opened for them. That was pretty exciting.
In 2000, I went to this outdoor thing where a bunch of obscure one-hit wonder pop acts performed, and it was awesome. This morning I found a cd single for this song called "You Make Me Love You....More" by a guy named Don Philip. Ever heard of him? I didn't think so. I laughed so hard when I found it, and of course took it to the car to listen to on the way to work. I still remembered every lyric.
Oh, I also loved Hanson and still think that the "This Time Around" album should have won grammys. Grammys I tell you!!

Anyway, I can redeem myself with my love of 'cool' acts like Weezer, Nirvana, and Christina Aguilera Joan Jett...When I was little I wanted everyone to call me Jett Benatar b/c I couldn't decide who I wanted to be more. JJ or Pat Benatar. It's still up in the air.

Do you see how safe I feel? We're in the trust tree in the nest.

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Thursday Thirteen : I Feel Pretty

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Going boring this week, sorry. Thirteen beauty products I use on a daily basis.

1)Philosophy's Purity Made Simple
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2)Philosophy's Hope in a Jar
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3)Ivory Soap
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4)Garnier Fructis Length and Strength Shampoo
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5)Garnier Fructis Length and Strength Conditioner

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6)Hemp moisturizer
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7)Garnier Fructis Leave-In Conditioner for Colored Hair
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8)Cover Girl TruBlend Makeup in Ivory
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9)Physician's Formula Mineral Concealer
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10)Physician's Formula Mineral Veil
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11)Sephora Kohl Eyeliner
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12)Philosophy's Kiss Me lip gloss
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13)Imari Seduction
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So there you go. That's what keeps me looking "naturally" beautiful, LOL.

It's not easy being a scream

Weird is such a relative term. During my everyday day to day, I'm fairly normal. Business casual, nice smile, and a tendency to develop a slight southern accent when trying to charm a customer (which isn't too difficult, really. I mean, I'm just a total doll).

But I do have a few little quirks. For example...If the room is too quiet, I'll turn to someone, nudge them roughly and say, "Hey...Hey! Guess what?" then randomly burst into song. The songs I choose? Oh, they vary. Often I go with "Song 2" by Blur, or "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" by Dusty Springfield.
I also throw bits of paper at people from time to time. Sometimes skittles...m&ms. Whatever is handy. I try to do this by stealth.
I joke a lot, make situationally inappropriate comments to break the ice, etc...
People come to expect this from me. But some days, I'm just not funny. It's hard to be clever all the damned time, you know?
And then the barrage of questions begins. "What's wrong, SK?" "Are you ok, SK", "Did something happen today, SK"??? Well yes, idiot, something happened. The sun rose and the day began. I just don't want to stand on the counter and dance the Macarena today, is that ok?? IS THAT OK??? (Not that I stand on the counter and dance the Macarena...often.)
Maybe today I just want to sit on the couch and watch the game. Maybe today I just want to eat popcorn straight from the bag and let it fall willy nilly to the ground. Maybe today I just want a goddamned beer and to be left alone.

It's a good thing today isn't one of those kind of days. Gosh, wouldn't that just bring everyone down?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

32 flavors and then some

I'm sitting here picking through a giant bag of gourmet jelly beans. The speckled ones are always the best flavors: buttered popcorn, tiramisu, java, toasted marshmallow, margarita...But do you know what my all-time favorite jellybean flavor is? Licorice. I am very sad b/c I have picked out all the black jellybeans and there are none left. Buttered popcorn is not filling the void.

Have you ever had the urge to post your phone number? Just to see who would call you? This is a huge temptation for me. Not because I'm slightly unbalanced, but because I'm just so curious. I almost feel like conducting a social experiment...Maybe go and buy one of those pre-paid phone things from Wal-Mart...they're pretty much disposable if you run out of minutes, and then it's not my *actual* cel phone number...just my experimental one. Does that make it any safer, though? I'm not sure.
I had an online stalker once. I was 16 and not very internet savvy. I had put up a fake personal ad on Yahoo. It was the chorus to the Pina Colada Song by Rupert Holmes. Yeah, I thought I was damn clever. This guy answered and said it was funny and la ti da...we started emailing. He was 50 something, so I felt like, Oh, he's safe. I tried not to reveal any information, but I guess I didn't do a very good job b/c he sent flowers to my house. He somehow got my address and sent. me. flowers. My mother freaked out and sent him a nasty email and called the police get the picture.
I remember him mailing back and telling me my mother couldn't ruin our love. Love? EW! No way, there was no 'love' ever even remotely implied from my end. Nut job. So that caused a few issues, yeah.

My little sister got herself into a similar situation. She is 13. She had 'met' this 27 year old guy online and she gave him her address and he started sending her things in the mail and then she gave him her mom's cell phone number and he started calling her....I bitched her out good and hard. Sure, UPS is 13 years older than me, but I'm not a kid either. My dad and step mom no longer leave her home alone, it just isn't safe. He could come and take her and .... we don't want to think about that.

And yet people date online. How does EHarmony screen for child molesting creeps? But when you meet someone at the library or in the frozen food do you screen them to see if they're a child molesting creep?? Yes, I beat you to the argument.

Sure I want my boys to have a wonderful life and marry for love...but maybe an arranged marriage could lead to love...right?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Deadlines and long lines

I'm desperately needing to get downstairs and work up an ad....that's due in 45 minutes. But for some reason, we're crazy busy upstairs. Lots of customers. Which is a good thing, but I'm the only person here. In fact, I'm pretty much always the only person here. My boss is gone until Wednesday. Last week was the first week she was here every day since the middle of August. I'm lonely, come pay me a visit.

I think we're busy because we're practically the only place open today. Except for WalMart, but they're always open.

My brother had a great time with UPS man this weekend. They didn't get a deer (well, not when they were together. L went back with his niece and they got one) but they had fun hanging out together. My brother is now as smitten as I am, but in a guy way.
I was talking to L on Saturday night, and he sounded awful. He was sick and feeling crappy. So like the good little girlfriend I am, I go buy him a present. I got him some dayquil, nyquil, advil, kleenex, chicken noodle soup and the movie I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry, and wrapped it up all pretty in a bag with a fancy bow...Sunday morning I call, "Hi babe, how're you feeling this morning?" "Oh, the same" he says. "Well, will you be home this afternoon? I have something for you."
"No, I'm going fishing with so and so this afternoon."

What? A sick person doesn't go fishing. A sick person lays around on the couch and enjoys the present I bought him.

We ended up meeting for lunch and he was very appreciative. I have to say, I like that he goes and does things even while feeling like shit. He says he can't let the cold win. Good attitude to have. But damn it, I was trying to be sweet!

How dare he and his good attitude ruin my gift.


Friday, November 09, 2007

Busy busy bee me

We're having Christmas open house at work this weekend, so no computer time. I am making like Martha Stewart and concocting wreaths and ornaments out of scotch tape and paper clips.

Ok, ok...not really. I'm using actual decorations.

Lee is taking my little brother (he's 15) deer hunting tomorrow morning. Pray that neither one comes home shot.

I will catch up on my blog reading Monday and visit everyone who's stopped by.
Love you all and have a great weekend!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Thursday Thirteen - I'm Ready For My Close Up

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I present, for your consideration, dear audience, Thirteen theatrical roles I would love to play. Film and Stage are included. Some of these are kind of fluffy, but fun.

1)Rizzo in Grease. I talk about this one a lot, so some of you are like, "oooook SK, get on with it already. We know, we know.

2)Mimi in Rent. Because I'm kind of in love with Roger and Mimi gets to sing "Take Me Out". Plus, I think working at a place called the Catscratch Club would be awesome.

3)Maureen in Rent. I mean, who wouldn't want to perform that one woman show of hers? And to be the subject of the Maureen Tango? Come on!

4)The Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. She is one of my all-time favorite characters in fiction and film.

5)Elphie in Wicked. For the same reasons as above. I'd like to play all facets of her character. Hmm...or maybe I just love roles played by Idina Menzel??

6)Snow White. I'm obsessed with Snow White. I have no idea why. I will never give up the dream of moving to Orlando and being Snow White at Disney World...That will also be my rap name, should I ever enter the hip hop scene.

7)Woody in Wild Hogs. Yes, I have seen this movie. Yes, it makes me laugh something stupid. John Travolta totally over acts this part, but it is so. freaking. funny.

8)Penny in Dirty Dancing. Just so I can say, "Go back to your playpen, Baby." I also want to get knocked up by Robbie the Creep.

9)Alex in a Clockwork Orange. This is one of my very favorite movies (and novels) of all time. Go Kubrick, go! Alex is such a dynamic persona. Wow.

10)Rhea Perlman's character in Matilda. The mom? She's so funny.

11)Any of the female characters in Clue.

12)Princess Leia. Rock on.

13)Princess Buttercup from Princess Bride. So I can make out with Cary Elwes of course, and being that stalker chick played by Alicia Silverstone in that one movie is just not an option.

There are more, and definitely meatier, roles I'd love to play, but here's a tasty sample.
Happy Thursday!!

Strep what I got. I said remember that...strep throat is..sorry.

Sometimes I turn into a much less clever, much more attractive, mini version of Weird Al. I get a little carried away, and for that I apologize ;)
But yes, X and I are infected and on antibiotics. Awesome. L hasn't gotten it yet, praise the Lord. Let's hope it stays that way. Two year olds with sore throats are even less fun than 4 year olds with sore throats.
Between the amoxicillan and ibuprofen, I feel like I"m constantly popping pills. Yesterday at work I shook a few advil into my hand to take and a customer looked over at me kind of funny...I looked back at her, shrugged and said, "AZT break." Her eyes got big and she didn't stay very long. Chill out lady. I was just quoting Rent for a laugh, ok?

I've been having strange dreams lately. Weird, graphic sex dreams featuring Chris Daughtry Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket and Channing Tatum Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket .

Chris you probably recognize from American Idol, and Channing has been in movies like She's the Man, Step Up, and A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints (which he got stellar reviews for, btw).Both of these men are attractive, and I would consider myself a casual fan of each, (I mean, come on. They're not exactly Mick Jagger or Johnny Depp, now are they?)but why are they creeping into my dreams at night? I don't own any Daughtry music and I don't sit around having Channing Tatum movie marathons, but two or three nights a week the three of us are having one bang-up time (pun slightly intended, lol) in my subconscious.


I'd blame it on the medication, but it's been going on for two weeks or so now.

I used to be really interested in dream interpretation, tried to make sense of things and what not...I guess I wasn't very good at it b/c I think it's a lot of crap, basically. My dreams are rarely snippets of my day pieced together like a crazy quilt, and the signs and symbols that were supposed to mean whosits or whatsis were never relevant.
At least I'm dreaming about doing hot guys and not like, dancing the Tango with Hitler or something, right??

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

cough, hack, achoo, and etc...

YOu know when you're sick and you feel like death would be a welcome blessing? When you feel like no one ever on earth has ever felt as badly as you do? That's where I am today. I"m also at work breathing in paint fumes from this weekend's painting party.
Just once I'd really like someone to take care of me when I'm sick. I haven't gotten that since I was about 10. After that my mom stopped staying home with me if I just had a cold or something. Basically, my needs have been totally neglected for years. When my ex husband got sick, oh my lord. He was such a whiny bitch. Did he ever help when I was sick? Let's give you an example. I was sick with food poisoning, X was 2 and L was not yet one. I did not sleep all night b/c I was in the bathroom puking or otherwise literally, ALL NIGHT LONG. What did he do when the babies woke up? Did he go to them and get them back to sleep? NO. He says to me, "Can't you do it? I"m tired, you keep waking me up." Well I am so fucking sorry that I'm dying here, honey.
I probably should have bolted then, lol.

Fast forward to now when Lee comes to check on me at work yesterday three times, brings me soup and juice and offers to come watch my kids for me so I can sleep.

I'm keeping him.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Random Things I Love

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This week I am not feeling as creative as usual. So instead I'll just give you a little insight into my psyche with "Thirteen Random Things I Love".

1) Nachos. I loooooooooove nachos. Cheese only or drowning in toppings, from the finest Mexican eatery or the Conoco station on the corner, I will devour them all with mucho gusto.

2)Diet coke. Diet Dr.Pepper is a close second, but nothing compares to my precious diet coke. It is running through my veins instead of blood. No, really. My doctor told me so. I am a medical anomaly.

3)Fake eyelashes. I just discovered this yesterday while wearing my super sparkly Halloween ones. I don't even really need mascara b/c I have freakishly long lashes anyway, but I feel crazy hot in the fancy fake ones. I may whip them out on special occasions...

4)Things with skulls and crossbones on them. Or hearts and crossbones, skulls with heart or star shaped eyes, etc...My current purse is a black tote with a skull and crossbone print, I also have black ballet flats with a similar print, and some with a star and crossbone print. Why? Who knows. I just think it's cute.

5)UPS delivery time. For obvious reasons. I get to make out with my boyfriend at work. I am getting paid to make out. Awesome.

6)Children's clothing that says cute things like, "I'm with the band", "Chick Magnet", and "Not quite house trained".

7)The way a man looks in jeans. Especially the low slung vintage wash ones. Hot.

8)The way a man looks in a well broken in ball cap. Also hot.

9)The veiny underside of a flower petal.

10)The smell of new tires and fresh asphalt. We've covered this before...

11)The New York Yankees, by God. I will never waver. But I do wish George Steinbrenner would fall off of one of those bridges in and around NYC. I mean, they've got plenty of them...

12)When my phone rings, and the caller id gives me good news.

13) YOU! All of you wonderful blogfriends of mine!!

Have a great Thursday everyone!!