Thursday, August 30, 2007

Of Mice and (Wo)men

Picture this if you will:
You are peacefully sitting on a box (hey, we just moved digs, ok?) and leaning against the wall talking to your boss. Suddenly her eyes become gigantic, and she starts flailing her arms about in a panic. So you jump up like the fastest bitch on earth cause you think....for obvious reasons....that there is a huge spider crawling down the wall toward your hair.


A mouse had peeked it's head around the corner.

Don't get me wrong. I understand that plenty of people are afraid of mice. I get that. But for me it doesn't make any sense. They are much, MUCH less ugly than a spider. They only have four legs as opposed to eight. Only two eyes as opposed to...well, however many eyes a spider has, but I know it's more than two, and they don't really even look dangerous, unless you're prying its mouth open to stare at its teeth or something. Spiders, on the other hand, look like a big fat picture of death. **Someone else had an anti-spider blog post recently...I'm in your corner.**

So today I spent a good 15 or 20 minutes putting peanut butter on mouse traps and placing them in what I assumed would be mouse-prone places.

There is a point to this post...All of that reminded me of this:

I remember a few years ago I read an article saying that mice shouldn't eat cheese, b/c it is bad for their health. Now, if you are putting cheese on a mousetrap, are you really concerned for the mouse's well-being? Do you care very much whether his cholesterol is high as you snap his little body in half? Probably not. It's kind of like saying that being squashed by a shoe is bad for a spider's health. Um, yeah, that's pretty much the point. We want it to be bad for their health. WE ARE TRYING TO KILL THEM, not help them lose weight. (Although I guess we are helping them lose weight also....I mean, if you think about it.)
Telling us that cheese is bad for a mouse when we are trying to send it off to rodent heaven anyway is pretty much as pointless as jumping into a chair when one dashes into a room.

They do climb, after all.

Now this is exciting.

I noticed that one of MSN's hot search topics today was the possibility of a Clinton/Obama ticket next November. Now, good little dems like me have been praying for a ticket like this for (literally) three or four years now. Now without getting into anything specific, I just want to say that to me, putting my gal Hil and Barack Obama (I'm really thinking I spelled B.O.'s first name wrong, don't let this make you doubt my credibility, lol) on the same presidential ticket is like someone buying a lifetime subscription of Penthouse for a porn addict. In other words, it's very exciting.
The GOP just has so many dents in its armor right now, can it take a Clinton-Obama onslaught? That is a war I'll definitely endorse.
Yes, yes I know. No primaries for another six(ish) months or so. But that's why it's a least to nerds like me. ;0)

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

So I'm getting a party out of it....

The divorce I mean. My friends are throwing me a party. It sounds very tacky and very white trash, but who cares? I'm getting a cake. Cake has frosting, and frosting is good. Very, very good.

As for the romance front...not very good actually. I have not spoken to C in a week (bastard!)and R is in a bad mood b/c his band came in 2nd this weekend (cheer up, it's better than last, babe!). I am feeling very immature about C, would very much like to drive by his house and throw things at the shiny convertible. As for R, I'm feeling bad b/c I can't make things better, as I am halfway across the country from him.
So what do I do? Develop new desire to win the heart of my UPS man (his name is Lee, I have mentioned his hotness before, lol.). My boss is all for this, as she loves him also. However, she is married and pregnant (baby is being born 9/5!!) and will have to live vicariously through me. I told her I will do my best, lol. How do you even hit on a UPS guy w/o sounding like a creep? I think a woman hitting on the delivery driver is almost the equivalent of construction workers yelling at a woman walking by on the street. **M, didn't you say you had a friend who'd dated an UPS guy? Does she have any tips for me??**
Right now we (meaning the boss and I) are just ordering a lot of stuff that needs delivered UPS, LOL. We are quite the dynamic duo.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


As of 2pm today, I was officially divorced. It's over, kaput, fini, finis, finito.
My life is no different from yesterday, but it's a very strange feeling to have someone tell you that you're divorced. Marching onward and upward....

Friday, August 24, 2007

Did you know that we are in the middle of a helium shortage?

It's true. You know, I'd heard someone mention it several months ago, but I thought they were kidding. I mean, who thinks about having a helium shortage for crying out loud??
Our store is going to start doing party planning, so today I called about getting a helium tank for balloons. Turns out that is next to impossible. It could take a few weeks or more before we could get a tank, and then it's a crapshoot as to how long it would take to get a full tank to replace ours when it's empty. So then I became intrigued and looked it up online (I really think part of me was still a non-believer. A helium shortage? Really? There are balloons everywhere, how am I supposed to believe there's a shortage?). But it is TRUE. Helium could even be GONE FROM THE PLANET by the end of the century. Isn't that amazing? Just one of those little things you take for granted I guess. I assumed foolishly that we would always be able to enjoy brightly colored balloons bobbing upward attached to the hand of a toddler, to gaze entranced at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons hovering over the New York City-scape. Will helium filled balloons really go the way of the milk man and affordable postage stamps? And am I a lunatic for feeling a little sad about it?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

He looks scary, but he's harmless

I know what you're thinking. Who is that crazy man on the drums? That would be my Richard. I know what else you're thinking. Why do all the nice, normal girls go for the "bad boy" types? Well, first of all, b/c they're hot (ha ha) and secretly, not really bad at all. He's certainly a far cry from C, who is Mr. Button down shirt, shiny convertible, and Rayban aviators (not to mention the hot ass, lol).

**photo deleted cause it messed up the sidebar. Didn't feel like resizing.**

If you're a metal fan (which to be honest, I'm not really...I can take it only in minimal doses) here is their .
I do love me some Richard, despite the bad tattoos.

Move over C, make way for R

I know why the celebrities hate the paparazzi. When you live in a small town, it's a lot like living under a microscope. C and I haven't done a very good job of keeping our relationship quiet. I guess my boss called a friend of hers that works with him, to check out if he's on the up and up, so to speak. Now he's all freaked out about things. I can't deal with that. So someone was looking out for me, what's the big damn deal? Drama? No thanks.
On the other side of things, my friend R (aka, the one that got away.) has been back in touch with me. I haven't heard from him in 5 years and now he's popped up in my life again. He is in a metal band in CA, and this weekend they won a battle of the bands thing in Sacramento. They are now in the final 4, and perform the 26th to see who wins the whole thing I guess. I'll post a link to their website later today. I feel like a proud parent (which I am of course, but not HIS parent...that would just be weird). He bought plane tickets last night and is coming home to see me (oh, and his family too, they're important I guess) for two weeks in October. I'm excited and nervous. More excited than anything though.
Nothing else going on really, just my crazystupid love life as usual. I'm echoing my previous post by saying, I hate relationships. Perhaps if I were a sociopath, things would be much easier.

We did move the store to a new location last week. We are now just off the historic town square. Very, very nice area. Only downside is that there is a pawn shop two doors down. I tell you what, I have seen the most interesting things being walked past our windows over the last few days. I had a boyfriend in high school who used to pawn things to get drug money. So now that is all I think about when I watch ppl go in and out...damn drug addicted losers. Isn't that terribly judgemental of me? I'm sure they're all lovely people. Drug addicted lovely people.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Just one of those days where I hate everything

I hate dating. I hate relationships. I basically hate everything that makes me feel any sort of emotion.
No, nothing bad happened. I'm just wanting to pick a fight.
Am moving far away, joining a convent, etc...

Friday, August 10, 2007

I felt a little bit like a whore last night, and it was fun.

I told myself I'd do this thing with C right, that I'd be a lady...that I'd wait a while before sleeping with him. Well, I did wait I guess. It's been nearly two weeks since we started seeing each other. That's fine, right? Sure it is.
He called last night and said, "I have a sitter for one hour." I said, fine, get your hot ass over here.
There's nothing like having a man come over in the middle of the night and park outside of your house for an hour and then leave. Made me feel a little bit trashy...but trashy in a good way. Because OH. MY. GOD. was it ever worth it. You know that excitement of seeing someone for the first time? And even better when the total package is just as good as, if not immensely better, than what you had imagined? I don't even care that there was very little romance involved. I wasn't looking for romance last night. There is definitely something to be said for spur of the moment, hot, late night sex. I should definitely be having some more of that....Soon.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Let's see how many dirty looks we can collect when we're out together.

I have learned something. When you date a man 17 years older than yourself, other women tend to look at you like they're planning to throw a large rock at your head.
I say keep throwing, sisters, I'll just keep ducking.
I admit I was surprised to learn his age. I knew he was close to 40, but I'd have never guessed over (I was thinking 37). We don't look ridiculous together, quite the opposite actually. We had a nice 70ish year old lady come up to us and say we were a very attractive couple, and did we have children together, b/c they'd surely be lovely. God bless you, sweet old woman.
So, I've made my choice. We'll just see how things go. And I'm sure I'll tell you all about it, whether you want to hear it or not, LOL.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Have come to a decision.

I plan to stop complaining about my love(ish) life and shut my mouth.

Now let's see how long that lasts.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

All fun and games? Notsomuch.

Doesn't my lovelife (or whateverthehell it is) sound super de duper exciting? I read the post below again. Maybe I've just been overthinking things since posting that, but now I'm just sad and overwhelmed. I'm seriously torn over this HJ vs. C thing. At the time I didn't even realize it WAS a one vs. the other situation. Now I'm feeling guilt. I had finally decided that HJ was just destined to be a good, close friend. I was excited to have C paying attention to me and being great boyfriend (manfriend?) material. Now that I'm finding out HJ had more invested in our relationship than I thought he did. I thought I was maybe getting more emotionally attached romance-wise than he was, so I started letting myself be interested in other people. Should I not have done that?? When we're talking, I am glad he's the one who's there for me at the time. It's not like I am not paying full attention b/c I'd rather be with C.
And as for Chris, when I'm with him, I'm on this constant high. I know he only has eyes for me and more importantly, he makes me feel that way. Really, what woman doesn't enjoy feeling like she's making the room sparkle a little brighter just by being in it? And oh what talent has the man who makes her feel that way! And when I'm with him, I'm not off thinking about HJ.
I'm comfortable with both of them, it's just a different kind of comfortable. With HJ, I could easily be in pjs w/my hair pulled up and no make-up on, spilling my secrets to him and eating an entire pizza, and it'd be no big deal. With C I could be spilling my secrets and feel safe, but I'd have on cute jeans and eyeliner and we'd be out somewhere having dinner by candlelight.
Look, I've learned a thing or two about dating two people at once. You know what I learned? I CAN'T DO IT. What I mean by that is, I'm no good at it. What ends up happening is you're in love with two men, both of them propose, you choose the one that seems safest, spend 5 years missing/fantasizing about/secretly crying over the one you left behind, and then the one you DID choose (who you thought was safe and loved you more than you loved you for a high schooler. (If you're curious about the one I "left behind", he's currently in a band (think mudvayne-ish) playing drums and living in California.)

So now what? What do I do? I'm not a casual relationship person. I become emotionally involved with like, kleenexes, so imagine how I am with people. YOu know when you're about 19 and you've been drinking at a party and suddenly you REALLY have to pee, and so does this other random girl across the room? Suddenly you're giggling and spilling beer on each other's shoes, apologizing and instantly you're best friends? Sure you might never see her again, might never remember her name, but you were totally tight for about 45 minutes? That's what I do. I bond quickly with people. I guess I just have to figure out what I want. Do I want the person I've known a long time and have a great time with, or the person I've known for two months who makes me feel like I'm in love for the first time all over again? Maybe it will just take me making a trip to see HJ. I haven't seen him since May (Funny enough the last time I saw him was the week I met Chris.), so maybe being in close physical proximity will help.
Oh my lord. I am just a big overthinking mess.

What the hell is going on here???

Someone please explain this to me: Why is it, that when you finally find a man (or woman, as the case may be) suddenly about 50 other guys(not 50, but you know what I'm saying)you've been interested in begin to find YOU interesting?
First, there is my dear HJ. He knows about this new thing I have going with C, and he is less than thrilled. For someone who just wasn't sure if he could swing a long distance relationship, now he's changing his tune and thinking he could make the 5 hour drive every other weekend to see me. Am now contemplating visiting him next weekend and letting him take me out to I considered a slut for trying to get a free meal and break-up sex?? But is it really break-up sex if we never officially were a couple couple? The pro's to being with HJ are many. We connect on so many levels, he's like me in male form. If such a thing as a "soulmate" exists, he's probably mine. There is never any weirdness between us, even after discussing the C situation. He's basically one of the best friends I could imagine having. Plus, he's hot.
Secondly, there's C (of course!). I think he might actually be almost my boyfriend. Hmm...We haven't used the actual term, but I know he has no interest in anyone else, and I just have to get the HJ thing out of my system. I just casually think about him and get hot. Someone says the name and my heart does this little skippity number and my skin starts to flush, I have trouble breathing, etc...Maybe he is bad for my health?? Maybe it's not lust/love, instead I have an unknown heart condition. LOL.
Third, Elementary School Teacher Guy. He's this very nice, attractive man who comes in to buy supplies. He teaches lower elementary grades at a school about half an hour away. He's sweet and polite, very good looking (has a little Latino flava going on, very nice)....Now he asks me out. Now?? If only he'd caught me in early May before C entered the picture.
Finally, and here we tread upon dangerous ground, is A. A is 18. He goes to my church and I just thought we were friendly, you know? We'd hang out sometimes with the "young" church people (all of us under 35 are a big group of friends) and every now and again just the two of us. I'm always having to keep my Wednesday night girls away from him, b/c he's very distracting (by that I mean, they're pre-teens, and he's an 18 year old, 6' tall athlete.) I have recently noticed an increase in the amount of time we spend with one another. I didn't think anything of it really, until the last week or two...Now he plays with my kids a lot, and has taken over mowing my lawn (my friend S's husband used to do it.) He is always around. I don't even know how to deal with this, so I think I'll just ignore it and pretend that every time I glance his way, I don't really catch him staring at me.

So what is the deal? For months there is literally nothing (seriously, nothing) happening on the romantic radar, and suddenly I'm drowning in attractive guys who, for some unexplained reason, find me appealing. What to do, what to do?
Where is Chuck Woolery when I need him???

Friday, August 03, 2007

Is kicking someone in the face a fireable offense??

It is back to school time. That means we are super busy and the store is crowded all freaking day. There was a very rude woman in here today while I was taking a phone order from someone. She stood at the counter huffing and puffing and rolling her eyes. She kept saying in a whispered hush to her daughter, "She is so slow. We have to be somewhere." After I was finished on the phone I turned to her, began to ring up her purchases and said I was sorry, but what happened was no different than if someone had been standing in line ahead of her, and if she was in such a rush, she should work on her time management skills. Ironically, she had bought a chartlet about time management to put on her classroom wall. I politely did not point that out.


Ok, that was yesterday. I feel like bitching a little about work today too, so I'll just add it on. Right now there is someone in the store who smells overwhelmingly like self-tanner. You know, that weird toosweet raisiny smell that self-tanners have? It's almost making me gag. Something else very annoying: We sell these huge floor puzzles. We have some out on display. They are on the floor and encased in these big hard plastic puzzle covers. They are placed in the rows in front of the shelves where they're sold (obviously.). Every day someone will ask me if it's ok if they step on it. No, no, we are playing a really cruel joke on everyone by putting un-step-on-able things on the ground so you can't get to the things you see on the shelves. You see, it's just good business to prevent the customers from being able to reach the product. Alas, stupidity prevails.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007


Radio Ad Selling Guy (from now on I will refer to him as C, much easier.) came into the store yesterday to see me. We were just standing there talking and the next thing I know, he grabs me, pulls me to him and starts kissing me. I nearly died right there in the floor. I started laughing and asked, "What are you doing?" He said,"I'm kissing you." Yes, obviously, but I was in shock, ok? I had imagined this happening a million times but for it to be reality was nearly too much. There were no customers, so we made out like teenagers in the office for about an hour.
How bizarre...for one thing, he is a man. Like a real, grown up MAN. I've dated guys older than me before (when I was 19 I dated a 32 year old), but he was just a guy. GUYS are different than MEN. He is so fucking beautiful. He's tan and tall and has shiny wavy hair and drives a shiny car(which slightly unnerves me...I wouldn't call him flashy, but it's close.) He's absolutely the opposite of anyone I've ever been with before. Absolutely the opposite of anyone I've been attracted to before. But I am so crazy about this man, you have no idea. He's dazzling, he's intoxicating....He owns his own home and has a full time job. A person who handles responsibility well is so attractive.
He's divorced with two little girls, ages 8 and 10. He has them full time, which I admire...although it makes me doubt the mother a bit. I don't want my kids out of my sight for even half a second let alone to give up custody. She apparently left town after he asked for the divorce. Let's hope she's not lying in a freezer somewhere, and I run into her while putting away leftovers...
On a different note, I had the boys' birthday party on Saturday. They got so many gifts it was ridiculous. Next year I think I will put "we want your presence not your presents" on the invites. Lord.