Saturday, March 31, 2007

What famous pinup are you?

You are Maryiln Monroe

A classic tortured beauty
You're the dream girl of many men
Yet they never seem to treat you right
What Famous Pinup Are You?

Only I'm not a blonde.


So I thought I didn't have anything to post about today, but I just walked back and saw a open tupperware thing full of spaghetti o's covered in mold sitting on the owner's desk. Ew. As if spaghetti o's weren't bad enough, why did they have to be covered in green furry mold?? I work at a lovely little store called, "The Teacher Store and More" . My job consists of checking out purchases, sweeping, keeping the shelves arranged, taking special orders, filing catalogs...I run the store alone on Saturdays, and they can be dreary. One day I had 5 customers in 6 hours. So my job also includes a lot of sitting and doing nothing. That's how I justify my internet time, b/c at least I'm being entertained, right? And if I have to deal with moldy, gelatinous food products, I deserve to stare into the hazy glow of a computer monitor.

Up in smoke

I haven't had a cigarette in 37 hours and 3 minutes. It didn't bother me until this morning...I've already been tempted to run down the street to the convenience store, but I WILL NOT go.
It has been a very uneventful week...and I'm not feeling particularly witty or charming today. I'll give work a few hours to see if any crazy people come in, and post a little later.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

This does NOT add up

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 50%

New England Slang: 25%

Prison Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 25%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Ok, so I did this little quiz-a-ma-jig. Apparently I could fit in with people from Australia, England and Canada, which is nice...I guess I'm just really excited that I am only 25% fluent in prison slang. That's slightly comforting.

Week 2 of the internet revival...I'm like a kid in a candy store!!

So what's been happening....let's see....
--Last week for fun I looked on to see if anyone from my town was on there, and I found an ad for a guy I went to high school with. His little ad thingy was trying to sound all sincere, and maybe he really was being sincere, but all I remember about him from school is that he was a moronic asshole. So after that I was sucked in to the whole personal ad thing and kept looking. My Lord. Some of the sweetest most sensitive guys I've known in my life don't drip as much sap as some of these people. Like I really believe all this mushy gushy stuff they write. I guess I have just become very cynical. Oh! That reminds me...Orhan, you'll get a kick out of this. The ex and I were fighting over something the other day(by the other day, I mean like, a month ago), and out of no where he says, "Why are you so mad about me cheating on you, I know all about the internet guy." "What internet guy?" says me.
"The one from Australia," says he, "You wrote once about your fantasy being ruined b/c he said his accent wasn't very strong. You were flirting with him, and you must have been cheating on me." So after laughing for about an hour, I say, "Yes, yes that's right. O is my internet boyfriend who lives 3/4 of the way around the world. And by the way, we're getting married next week, via email. We're going with a very classic color scheme, you know? White background, black font..." But who cares, I can flirt shamelessly now, right?
--You are about to become aware of the most irresponsible thing I've done since I was 20. Back in January, my friends took me out for the first time in years. I was very uncomfortable at first, but after a gin and tonic and a couple midori sours, I was great. The music was loud and all of my friends were there, it was fabulous, just like old times. Well one of my friends I hadn't seen in about 2 years showed up with his cousin. Somehow the cousin and I became practically attached at the hip, and I didn't mind b/c he was beautiful. I just kept staring at him b/c it was that insane kind of attractive you know? We ended up leaving together. At this point I didn't care that I was being stupid. We get to the house and it's craziness. Exciting, exhilarating, etc...but then the letdown. Have you ever been to a fair or an amusement park and there's this ride that looks so great? All the flashing lights and bright colors and you just HAVE to ride? Except then you get on and suddenly you're being flipped around and turned upside down and it's over in about 30 seconds? Yeah, it was kind of like that. I didn't even leave my number, I just got out of there. Attractive isn't everything. I figure if this is the worst thing I do, I'm in pretty good shape overall.
--A few Saturdays ago I was in WalMart (of course I was, I'm always in that place), and it was early, about 8:30 am. There was a group of kids in there, well I say kids, probably 20ish. One of them had a mohawk thing going on, this skinny strip of candy-red hair sticking up a good 5 inches. Now, first of all, kudos to any hair cutting professional who can figure out how to get hair to look like that. I nearly asked him what he used to get his hair to stay up, but I didn't. Then I was struck by the image of him getting ready in the morning. So picture if you will this kid who looks like he's trying to resurrect the Sex Pistols standing in front of a mirror desperately attempting to get his hair to stand straight up and not move. Then imagine him debating which eyebrow, nose, and earrings to wear that day. We're not done yet b/c then he has to stand in front of the closet, pick out the perfect pair of Dickies and fake vintage t-shirt. Top it off with a beat up pair of black boots and his dad's cast off leather jacket and the ensemble is complete. It probably takes him way longer than me to get ready in the morning, and I have two kids to contend with. Have you ever taken a shower while simultaneously trying to keep your kid from swimming in the toilet or pouring an entire bottle of lotion in the floor? It puts life into perspective, lol.
--I have a little page of notes that I jot down through the week in case I have nothing to write about. I found this and it was amusing.
3/22/07 - Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream -- better than sex, but this is coming from a woman who hasn't had any since January....a few hours later...Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee is NOT better than sex. Sex you can pretty much enjoy every time you have it. Eating 1/2 a pint of ice cream in one sitting? Not so enjoyable. I feel like exploding and dying.

I am so happy to be back here, you have no idea. Love you all, and enjoy your week!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Well, it's been a while

So here I am letting anyone who might care know that i am still among the living. In the process of a divorce, how fun, right?
I'm good, the kids are good, but I miss my blog. I got everything but the computer, lol, and I'm in major withdrawl. But I can jump online at work on Saturdays, so let's get this baby up and running again!
Divorce details? DH (which no longer stands for dear husband,just in case you were curious, lol) left me and the boys 6 months ago for a 16 year old. And he didn't even do me the courtesy of cheating with someone more attractive. Come on, if you're going after a high school girl, at least make her a hot one right?? Am I right??
So I'm looking to jump back into this whole dating thing which feels ridiculous, as it's been so long. But my friends assure me I still have "it", whatever "it" is.
Hey, if you know anyone who likes tall, attractive women who just happen to have 2 kids, let me know. I'm available.
Things that have been on my mind: Andy Roddick is playing incredible tennis, so where's the title? I say he wins the Pacific Life this weekend. American Idol: why is Sanjaya still there? The whole country of India must be voting for him or something. He always looks so surprised when he isn't voted off, that should give people a clue.
Not a lot going on with me, just the same old thing. I do smoke again, which I should probably stop...again. Stress, I'm telling you. It's the Marlboro Menthol Lights that have kept me from pulling a Britney and shaving my head. I have started teaching the 8-14 year old girls at church Wednesday nights. I'm a mentor, we talk about eating disorders and all the other angst-y stuff I've been through. Then we find God in it. They're a good group and it's very fulfilling.
I'll update pictures and things when I can...but don't hold your breath. My work computer is a dinosaur.