Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Bring it on. Bring it the fuck on.

Water is running in a mid-sized river as I drive up the street toward my house. It is ten minutes after five o'clock and my boys, who I have not seen in 50 hours are singing a praise and worship song behind me in their car seats.

"Did it rain today?" I casually wonder. "No, I would have noticed that. The city must have been working on water lines." That must be it, I decide.

I draw closer to my house and notice that the river is rushing at a higher intensity. Curious. A feeling of dread and panic begins to creep up slowly from my stomach, where it becomes lodged in my throat like an aspirin taken without a drink.

My driveway is the real river. The street merely its tributary.

I leave the kids in the van as I rush inside, water furiously pouring from beneath my home. I envision floating furniture and my cat clinging to the dining room table in a DiCaprio-esque manner (edited to say, sorry for the idiocy...this should have been "Winslet-esque" shouldn't it?). What I find is a flooded laundry room, wet lint sticking to everything, boxes of mementos with enemy water soaking in at a rapid clip.

I start throwing things out into the kitchen and begin my frantic phone calls.

I feel crazy - unbalanced. Like I'm standing on a ladder in high heels and someone below is threatening to give it a good hard shake.

Thankfully things were resolved much more easily than I had anticipated.

The plumber shows up this morning to replace the frozen washing machine lines beneath the house. He was very attractive.
After Friday I think I must have developed a feeling of entitlement where good looking men in uniforms are concerned.

I almost made a pass at him.

Kidding! I'm kidding. I don't want to become known as the girl who solicits sex from UPS men, plumbers, and the dude who brings me my pizza.

Or do I?

To add insult to injury, we had freezing rain last night. My van was covered by a sheet of ice. I reach up on top of the entertainment center to grab my can of de-icer. I feel the coldness of metal beneath my fingers and thinking I've struck gold, I pull it down.

In my hand was a can of instant snow. You know, the stuff you spray on your windows to get a delightfully tacky wintry glow to add to your holiday decor.

All I could do was laugh.

Happy Tuesday, ya'll!!

OMG, just heard on the radio that Heath Ledger died. WTF?

I feel very sad. In the grand scheme of things, why is this depressing me?