Monday, October 08, 2007

Will Ferrell, hot sex, and too many babies

So that was my weekend, how was yours?

Saturday was fairly uneventful. I took the boys to story time at the library and we had a good day. Then around 5 they left for their adventure with GG (that's what they call exMIL), Papa, and uncle JC. What to do, what to do? L was not finished with his golf tournament.
It's strange when you don't know what to do in a silent house. I am so used to constant noise and chaos...I need to learn to relax, instead of letting the quiet make me nervous.

Around 7ish I started the drive to L's house (he lives about 20 minutes away). Because I am a sweetheart, and I knew he'd be tired and probably a little drunk after playing golf in the hot sun all day, I brought him food and more liquor (ok, so that was mostly for me...)and we stayed in all night. And that man really is all ate up in love with me, b/c we watched "Blades of Glory", and he let me gush over Will Ferrell (aka, my one true love.)all night with no complaints.
We went outside on the back deck and were mesmerized by the stars. He lives out in the middle of nowhere and the sky is so open and I swear, I have never seen the stars like that before. Last night on my own porch was really a let down.
Anyway, if you've never made love in the grass under the stars, you are seriously missing out. My previous experiences with outdoor lovin' were not quite so romantic. I'm not sure I know how to deal with all of this romance, actually. It's quite overwhelming, and isn't it sad that it freaks me out a little? Why is it making me uncomfortable? Am I not worth being treated like royalty for once?? I need to work on my self-esteem/self-worth issues, don't I?
Last night I had the nursery at church (yes, your foul-mouthed, drinksalot friend was in charge of the nursery at church. Try not to pass out or anything.) and I had two babies under 10 months, one not-quite-two year old, 2 actual two year olds (one was Leyton, my own), and X (who is 4). I was about to lose my freaking mind. Somehow I pulled through...And it really made me think. I'm glad L and I have kids already. I have 2, he has 2...great. That means there is no weird baby-pressure in our relationship. You know what I mean? When you're in a relationship with someone and for some reason you have the, "is this the person I'm going to end up with?" question running through your mind, which then turns into the, "if so, when will be have babies?" question. L and I have no baby pressure. We can just enjoy one another. And I have to say, it's really nice to just be with someone with no pressure or expectations whatsoever. I mean, it is totally terrifying to be this open and all-in with someone...I laid it out on the line Saturday night. I told him why I'm afraid of this love thing, that marriage makes me feel like death has it's cold, long-clawed hands around my heart, etc...but it's also a relief. And he was so great about it, too. He said, "So when I tell you how in love with you I am, are you going to run out of the house screaming?"
"It's a possibility, so you may want to take precautions," I answered. He stares at me for a minute, gets up, locks the door, comes back, sits on top of me and says, "I am so, so in love with you." and kisses me. And do you know what Little Miss Freak Out did?

I said it back.
I even meant it.