Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A little ice would be nice...

Uh,oh. It's happening. The glassy eyed stare at the engagement rings in the jewelry store window.
No, no, no...I don't really want to get married...but wouldn't it be so much fun to lug a crazy sparkler around?
The jewelry store had a new display out and I stopped and stared as I walked by on my way to work this morning. The sun must have been hitting them just right b/c I could not avoid the magnetic pull of the pretty, pretty diamonds.
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I'm like a squirrel.

So then I got to daydreaming about L, and thinking how wonderful he is, and that he is definitely marriage material...but then I remembered that marriage scares the crap out of me now. It's kind of past relationships, this is when I'd bolt. If anyone even hinted at forever, this bitch would be gettin' the heck out of Dodge.
My philosophy up til now has been, "make sure he loves you more". And up until last year, that worked fine. I got to be adored and worshipped, and when I got tired of it I just got out. I only became emotionally involved (to where I was sad about the ending of the relationship) about a handful of times. Unfortunately, with my marriage, the emotions involved were mine about the kids. I wanted them to have this great family, with the parents who stayed together and the mom who had all the neighborhood kids running in and out all day long...Part of it can still be true. My marriage would have been a lot better if I'd been more in love and hadn't taken for granted the fact that it had a lifetime guarantee. Nothing has a lifetime guarantee, not even those products on tv that say they do. How long do you really think some of those businesses will stay in operation? I was so willing to paste on a smile and pretend to be supremely happy even though I wasn't. It took my husband leaving for me to realize I was so miserable. When it happened I was just so panic stricken. How will I ever survive on my own? I had no job and no income of my own AT ALL, and suddenly I have to raise 2 boys alone.
And now in the aftermath, I am happier and more stable than I have ever been before. And I did it All. By. Myself.

So back to today and the flashy diamonds in the window...
Maybe I'm thinking getting married again someday isn't such a bad thing. But it would have to be a long way in the future.
I had a little fun and looked online for some pretties, and here are my favorites:
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I will never again want a diamond solitaire. Been there, done that, pawned it to pay for a lawyer.
The wedding bands my ex and I had were my great-grandparents' wedding's such a shame that they went to waste. I can't exactly use them again, can I?? LOL. Try to imagine me pitching that idea to someone.
"Well, they worked for my great-grandparents, failed me in my first marriage, but they're really pretty so let's try 'em again!"
I'm sure I'd be met with a resounding 'no!'.

So Samantha is off visiting fantasyland today...and enjoying every minute of it. It's kind of nice to think about forever in a calm, rational way...without vomiting.