Friday, October 12, 2007

Do me! Do me, delivery man!

I've decided this must be the vibe I'm giving out.
My gay mailman (Gaymail, for those that remember the cute little nickname I gave him.) is, in fact, not gay. He tried to grab my ass hit on me today! Apparently I am just way too friendly and give off the wrong signals...And he was doing a really good job of faking b/c I called Pink Shoes (the gay guy who used to be at the beauty school next door, who had a crush on Gaymail)afterward, and he was genuinely shocked. And he's in the know!
But when he's trying to grope me and saying, "I really love having lunch with you, we should maybe try getting together at night", with a verrrry suggestive expression on his face...
My life is a freakin' soap opera!
Last night however, it was very normal, very mom-ish. I spent an hour and a half sewing feathers to X's overalls for the parade today. Then I spent another 45 minutes stabbing holes into a Folger's coffee container and threading a heavy piece of twine through it (for a handle) to make it look like a paint can...and then I glued feathers all over it. Let me just say, Martha Stewart, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I stabbed myself with a needle 15 damn times and nearly cut my hand off using the big kitchen knife to make holes in the coffee container. Then end result was actually pretty cute, but getting there was very difficult. Lends a whole new meaning to blood, sweat, and tears...Yes, all three were involved, and all three belonged to me.
And today I feel awful b/c I'm like, the only parent who won't be with their kid at the parade (how is it I'm the only preschool mom that has a JOB??), and to make it even worse, I forgot the camera so I can't take pictures as he walks by. (my store is on the parade route.) I can just imagine what they're all thinking, "Oh, of course, SK won't be here...Single, 25 year old mom...too busy with her job...too busy screwing the UPS guy and rejecting advances from her mailman..."
It. Makes. Me. Want. To. Screeeeaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmm.
If I were ugly or married, life would be so much easier.
I really wish sarcasm translated better to type...