Friday, December 21, 2007

Waiting for my blood pressure to return to normal...

Nope. Not happening yet.

Yeah, yesterday I was spirited, today I wanna knock Santa the fuck out.

I am in the Christmas program at church (yes, but I don't swear when I'm there) and we were supposed to have practice last night at 6pm. My church is in the middle of freaking no where, 13 miles down a hilly curvy road. And it was foggy last night. Like, can't see 10 feet in front of you foggy. So I am rushing around trying to get out of work on time, get the kids picked up, run home to change into a sweatshirt, pick up dinner and go. The drive was nerve wracking, and at one point I'm rounding a curve and see this giant brown shape standing next to the road. I'm thinking, That damn deer better not jump out in front of me. Well, let me just say, that if that mailbox had jumped out in front of me, it would have been a goner.

I pull into the church parking lot at five minutes til 6:00. There is no one there. What the hell? Practice is at 6, people. Then I begin to doubt myself...maybe I was wrong. There's like, 10 other people in this thing, someone else should be here. At five minutes after 6:00 I leave. I get back to town at about 6:20 and my phone rings. "Where are you?"

Excuse me?

"Where am I? I'm back in town, the kids are screaming for their food, I'm tired and I'm not coming back."
The excuse was "You know none of us are ever early."
5 minutes til is NOT EARLY. To me, five minutes before you're supposed to be somewhere is late.
None of these people seem to realize I don't have the luxury of a husband or babysitter at my disposal. To me, being late is inconsiderate. I guess I am the only person who feels that way. I was so, so mad. I don't even care if it is irrational, LOL, which I'm sure most of you think it is.
That's why I'm glad I live in America. I'm free to be Pissed The Fuck Off.

Hand me the remote, let's change channels. This one is boring...

--I had a sex dream about one of my brother's friends.

My brother is a 15 year old high school freshman, so do the math. His friend is too. This is the second time. I'm a dirty old cougar, aren't I? I mean, I've only seen this kid a handful of times, and I'm not attracted to his skinny little teenage anything. He's the one who asked me to the Homecoming Dance back in October, lol. But why is this happening? Why can't it be a sex dream about like, Johnny Depp or even better, UPS, who is hotter than anyone else on the planet? (yes, I am delusional and in love, get over it, lol)
It's kind of creeping me out.

--So what's with all of the shocked, hushed whispers about Tina Turner not going to Ike's funeral? Would you go to your ex's funeral if all he ever did was exploit you and beat your ass all the time? Hell no.
Leave Tina alone.

--When I was getting my coffee from McD's this morning, a group of guys I went to high school with (they were a year ahead of me) were walking inside together. I guess it was a "we're all back in town for the holiday, let's hang out" kinda deal. I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself. These were the "cool" kids, you know? Three athletes, top students, etc...Time is not kind. Those bastards were noticeably overweight and wearing ill fitting khaki pants...and one of them was nearly bald. Ha! I was cute in high school, but I wasn't a cheerleader so they wouldn't have anything to do with me, romance wise.
The tables have turned. Looks don't matter to me in the slightest as long as there's some personality involved, ok? These three guys are now devoid of both.
I took some satisfaction in that. But I'm bitchy today, so whatever.

--One of our toy vendors sent us a Christmas package in the mail yesterday. Cheap bastards. We got a ziploc bag in the shape of a penguin filled with cheap, nasty German candy (licorice toffee??)and a chip clip. What? A chip clip? What is that shit about?

--UPS got me jewelry for Christmas. I saw the box. I SAW THE BOX!!!

Wonder what's in it?? Care to wager a guess? Don't guess engagement ring, b/c I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm not ready to get married like, tomorrow, or anything, but in the next year would be fine. Getting engaged is the fun part anyway. I should know.

I've been engaged three times.


Well, this is my last post until the 26th, so I hope all of you have a Merry Whateveryoucelebrate!!
Warm and fuzzy wishes for a nice holiday coming your way. Enjoy your friends and family, have fun, and be careful!
Love you all!!